Let’s get this out of the way. England’s dismantling of Mexico in the World Cup round of 16 was one of the most complete performances the national team has ever produced. At altitude. Against a hostile home crowd. With ten men for half the match. Jude Bellingham ran that game like he owned the Azteca. Two goals in three first-half minutes. A defensive shape after the red card that would make a prime Jose Mourinho weep. It was brilliant. It just wasn’t the best.
That honor still belongs to the 1996 demolition of the Netherlands at Wembley. And honestly, it’s not even close.
1. England 4-1 Netherlands (Euro 1996)
Football was supposed to come home that summer. It didn’t. But for 90 minutes against the Dutch, Terry Venables’ team played like they were personally carrying it back on their shoulders. Alan Shearer scored twice. Teddy Sheringham bagged a brace. Paul Gascoigne was doing stuff that made you forget he was a genius only when it suited him. The Netherlands couldn’t breathe. Barry Davies on commentary called it the best England performance since 1966. He wasn’t wrong. Patrick Kluivert scored a consolation, which actually helped Scotland get knocked out. David Seaman called that “the cherry on top.” Perfect.
2. England 2-0 Mexico (2026 World Cup)
Back to Mexico. Everything was stacked against this team. The altitude. The crowd. The history of the Azteca. The English press corps complaining about running their 5ks at 2,200 feet like that was the real story. Bellingham had other plans. Two goals inside three first-half minutes. Then Jarrel Quansah gets sent off for stepping on a Mexican ankle. And England just locked it down. Thomas Tuchel’s setup was perfect. Every player executed. The defense didn’t crack. This was a team win in every sense.
3. England 1-0 Argentina (2002 World Cup)
Revenge for 1998. Beckham scored the winner from the spot after Owen hit the deck near Pochettino’s leg. But the scoreline undersells how good England were. The Times called Paul Scholes’ performance the best of his entire career. They outplayed the tournament favorites. Argentina didn’t even get out of the group. Which was, you know, fine.
4. England 1-5 Germany (2001 World Cup qualifier)
Wait. That’s the wrong way. Ignore that one. We meant the 5-1 win in Munich. Gerrard. Owen hat-trick. Heskey. The Germans looked like they’d never seen a ball before. The Bild headline the next day: “Der Horror.” Accurate.
5. England 1-0 Germany (Euro 2020, played in 2021)
First knockout win over Germany in 55 years. First time beating them in a knockout stage since 1966. Raheem Sterling and Harry Kane in the last 15 minutes. Southgate finally slayed one of the four tournament hoodoos. Three out of four ain’t bad. The fourth one is still on the table.
6. England 2-1 Netherlands (Euro 2024 semifinal)
Ollie Watkins came off the bench and swore on his children’s lives he knew exactly what was coming. Then he did it. Spin. Smash. Goal. The Full Tardelli celebration followed by being swallowed by the entire bench. For 45 minutes England played like the best team in the tournament. Then Koeman packed the midfield and things got stodgy. But it didn’t matter. Watkins made it count with his only two touches of the game.
7. England 3-2 Cameroon (1990 World Cup quarterfinal)
This was the match that made people believe something was happening. Cameroon had already beaten Argentina. They were aggressive. They were physical. England went 1-0 down. Then 2-1 down. Lineker scored two penalties. The second was in extra time. It was ugly. It was dramatic. It set up the semifinal against West Germany that everyone still talks about.
8. England 1-1 Germany (Euro 96 semifinal, lost on penalties)
Losses don’t usually make a list like this. But this one does. Shearer headed in after five minutes. Kuntz equalized. Anderton hit the post in extra time. Gascoigne was inches from connecting with a cross that would have sent them through. The first ten penalties were perfect. Then Southgate stepped up. Barry Davies said afterward that if he could take one game to heaven, it would be this one. He’d just try to change the result when he got there.
9. England 1-1 West Germany (1990 World Cup semifinal, lost on penalties)
The same script, different decade. Germany went through. Andres Brehme called it “the final before the final.” Lineker summed it up best: they hit the post, Germany scored a lucky goal, and England lost on penalties. Brehme later said England would have beaten Argentina in the final. “Definitely, 100 percent.” We’ll never know. But it’s nice to hear.
10. England 3-0 Poland (1986 World Cup)
Bobby Robson was in trouble. Lost to Portugal. Drew with Morocco. Bryan Robson got carried off. Ray Wilkins got sent off. Robson made the tactical switch and went 4-4-fucking-2. Lineker scored a hat trick inside 45 minutes. England went through. Robson said afterward: “People can say what they like about me, but never ever accuse my players of lacking character.” That win saved the campaign. It also gave us the greatest formation change of all time.
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