New York City held its breath, then promptly lost its mind on Thursday. The Knicks finally brought a championship home after decades of misery, and the parade route from Battery Park to City Hall turned into a three-ring circus that made Mardi Gras look like a board meeting.
Hundreds of thousands of fans showed up, but they didn’t exactly wait patiently. Some arrived four hours before the 10 AM start time and still got turned away because the park was already packed. One guy tried to climb an awning outside a Fidelity Investments office and the whole thing collapsed with him on top of a barricade. He popped up, walked off, and likely woke up feeling like he’d been hit by a truck. Worth it, he’d tell you. Probably.
Two other fans decided a stoplight post was the best vantage point. They chatted for a minute up there like it was a normal day. Then one dude yanked the other clean off the pole, sending him crashing to the street. That guy got up swinging, threw some punches, then grabbed the other guy’s shorts and snapped his underwear down. Then he started twerking while holding onto the stoplight. Only in New York, baby.
Elmo had some explaining to do. The Muppet caught heat before Game 1 of the Finals for tweeting that he hoped both teams have fun. Sesame Street is literally from New York, so fans flooded his mentions demanding loyalty. So Elmo showed up at the parade in a Karl-Anthony Towns jersey carrying a sign that said “ELMO SORRY” on one side and “ELMO #1 KNICKS FAN” on the other, with the word “SPORTS” crossed out. Apology accepted, I guess.
There was a genuinely scary moment when a man appeared unresponsive on an awning, lying there like he was dead. A couple of fans rushed over, gave him water, and someone called 911. A woman was helping him recover, and once he came to, he leaned in for a kiss. Not once. Multiple times. She kept pulling away. Glad the guy survived, but that move was not a good look.
One fan turned into Lamar Jackson, juking past NYPD officers after jumping a barricade. The cops looked completely lost as he zigzagged through the crowd. CNN’s Omar Jimenez got stuck in a subway tunnel for 30 minutes just trying to exit the station. Claustrophobic nightmare material.
Josh Hart’s wife apparently returned the favor from the NBA Cup celebration. She stuck a thumb up his butt during the parade, and Hart quote-tweeted the video with, “Yea I’m in there tonight.” The Knicks are champions. Anything goes.
Jeremy Sochan’s parade sign got stolen by a fan, who walked around the city with it. Sochan quote-tweeted it with one word: “Real.” And Mariska Hargitay was spotted on Jalen Brunson’s float absolutely losing it with joy.
Oh, and the crowd broke into a spontaneous “F—k Wemby” chant after watching a fan struggle to climb a ledge. He made it eventually. Everyone cheered. Then the insults started. Peak New York.
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